What is my heart going through?
A few weeks ago I finally figured out that I have been settling in life. I settled for justifying my sin. I settled in whom I chose as friends. I settled for good enough instead of God’s plan and desire for my life. Why is desiring EXTRAORDINARY such a tiring task. So tiring that believers everywhere are constantly settling. They (including myself) give up and lay down their expectations on life and accept the world telling them this is as good as it gets… or this is normal.
My heart is so tired if having it easy. Nothing that is supposed to be so easy ever felt so heavy and crippling. My heart stopped searching and begging for more from God. Instead I begged and desired more and more from life and relationships. Another things I realized is that nothing I attain in this world will ever make me completely happy or full, content. I not sure of how to change my life but as I enter a new year and a new semester I have decided I will not settle. I am going to search and thirst for knowledge and love from my savior! I am so excited now, but what I need prayer for is later. Thank you for your thoughts and prayers.
“Don’t worry about a ting, everylil’ ting is gonna be airie” this is playing as I sit here at my old home, Starbucks. It makes me smile because it reminds me of where a huge piece of my heart is. A place where my heart never stopped reading, singing, teaching, learning, building, and searching for love of my heavenly father. Jamaica. For the past few weeks I have been preparing my heart for the task of raising the funds and prayer team it takes to get others and me back to “DO WORK SON! “ God has laid a challenge on my heart. The challenge is to raise more than just my funds. This means raising enough money to support two or three people on their mission. In these financially hard times this seems like the most impossible thing to ask for. So my heart is in constant battle with those thoughts.
I have seen the stars almost every night for the past three weeks I have been in Forsyth. I find myself getting mad at my apartment because I cannot see them. Seeing them reminds me that no matter where he is we see the same stars and we can pretend for two weeks or a month longer. Waiting and trying and praying is all that gets me through what I have been given in this relationship. Hundreds of miles do their best to separate us. So far all it has done is make us stronger. J Our love grows with each day but it doesn’t grow without tears and fighting to make it work! It is the most painful and tiring thing I have ever done. But NOTHING I have ever done has ever been worth it before. “It’s all for love!” RIGHT!!??
As I sit and think about how tomorrow is the last day of the longest day in the history of the world… I think about how much has really happened….
- An amazing senior year… with a lot of pain and struggle. Becoming a family with my theater crew.
- Drama Drama Drama
- Two good friends/boyfriends/ Ex.) haha
- College= New friends and experiences
- Ellie Bowman died- love you mom!
- Had an amazing summer with a loving family of people.
- Figured out that teaching middle schoolers is my heart.
- Lost my best friend… I miss her more than you can imagine.
- Discovered some best friends do really stay forever. J BDavis
- Found love in someone I never thought I would see again. And now I see him in my future. Everyday for everything.
- Let go of things
- Grew up
- Got lost
- And now I’m trying to find where I am.
These are my thoughts. In all honesty I am about to have coffee with my sister Sam Cole so there will be more haha
But this is what my heart is going through.

Ok so there is more to come… tomorrow… Sam Cole changed my life… and the funny thing is that all she did was show me that I don’t have it figured out and God know best…. WOW!!! P
lease pray for direction and my heart




