the only place you feel safe…

you know its time to get with God when the only place you feel safe from life, people, work, and the future is your car.

That is where I am at. I do not feel safe, or fitting in any other environment other than my car with my new found heart of worship. No questions, no way to fall short or to disappoint, to upset or hurt, nothing is asked of you, no one is staring or judging your every move. That weight you carry is non-existent for that 20 minute drive.

I am so happy! I am so blessed! This is not about sadness or discontentment. It is simply what its is. Kinda like my whole world is dice in a yatzee barrel, each day not knowing what it will land on. Unpredictable, unsafe, un-comforting.

One thing i have realized, my prayer is that one day i will have a place to worship where I can sing with the heart and voice that i have in my car singing Jesus Culture.(this worship team is teaching me how to worship and love all over again!)  Will i ever? That is my heart’s true desire… to feel appreciated… for my light to radiate his glory from worship! My voice to be confident in that i am directing my whole self to him! Will I? Am i blessed enough? Is that really what my calling is?

LORD, ”I give you my worship! All of my passion! I give you my whole heart! All my devotion! here i will bow down, say that i need you, Here i will worship! say that i love you! OH HOW I LOVE YOU! I want to know you! Let your spirit overwhelm me, let your presence overtake my heart!” AMEN

 

_love unsafe and worshipful

home… it’s a relative term

when is it ok to say, “i’m leaving.”?

have to be me, get out.

When am I old enough, when am i ready?

how can i be sure it’s what God’s plan is? or that he will take care of me?

I know he will, but how?

My friends Ark, Jordan and Lauren wrote a song, it’s called Gypsy Heart. They are called Take care, Stranger. This song touched my heart. It made me feel shame for doubting the promises my heavenly father has made me. It spoke the words myheart did not know how to write down. Although it was uplifting and ministering, i still and misplaced and lost at home.

My home seems to be six hours too far away.

but i guess home is a relative term these days.

“

You feel so alone, but the lord heals more than bones. You will find a home, and child your heart will grow.”- Take Care, Stranger

this promise i believe! now to find a way to make it be.

my car is where i worship best…

my stereo in my car is terrible because i have blasted song so loudly from it! i love singing in my car as loudly and any way i want to!

I fall in love with songs in my car. I had a friend tell me one time “you really like bridges, don’t you ?” i laughed and said, “YES! it’s the part of the song where the writer’s intention and heart came out in pure poetic truth!”

Jamaica is now about one whole day  away! And my heart has been lit on fire. I have struggled with holding on to my passion and desire to constantly be burning for the lord. But at first i thought it was just excitment, but i knew in my heart it was the lord telling me this is it! “I’m taking you back home, so you can remember what your heart is supposed to feel like!” How do i think this is what i do?

Tonight in my car a few songs came on that made my heart, soul, and voice sing as loud and with more praise than they have in a while. Steve Fee “Burn for You” and Rocket Summer “So in This Hour”

“There’s a stirring in my heart
Unexplainable
There’s a calling on my days
Undeniable, yeah
And there’s a fire in my bones
Uncontainable
There’s a passion in my heart
For the world to see
Revival fires burn
A great awakening

To the ends of the earth
To the farthest part
Til every heart has heard

ill go any where, ill do anything, at any cost for you My King!”

These lyrics are not about being in love children’s faces or the people of a country! They are about a PASSION in my BONES for my king. MY FATHER! to do anything with no worries of loss or danger! That is what i am feeling, conviction and redemption! Mercy and grace with a heavy dose of LOVE!

“So long before
You’ve stood so long
At my door
Abundantly you have asked
Have you received?

So in this hour
Everything I do
Will be all for this moment
Everything’s for you
My heart is open
And willing
So take it

So much feeling
oh my soul is singing

So please take my life
And use it
I’m ready”

CAN I GET AN AMEN! our god is so big and sso beautiful! I am so excited to be burning for him regaurdless of what country i am in! Granted my heart has missed Jamaica ( i reffer to it as HOME!) so much over the past year!

IM READY! Use me, take me, i will follow and not look back!

-love always,

awake

Redeeming Love…

I am Hosea’s wife.

I read this book so many women of faith have just died over with a man I love very much. We read it to help me sleep and after we were done, there was a great image of marriage and accepting pasts and loving the way god intended. It hit me hard in those ways. I never could define it but i felt a tug on my heart.

I was driving today (day number two out of 2 horrible days) and I put in the Brooke Fraser CD. I love singing with her, my heart feels so connected to songs like “Albertine” and “Seed” because of my love and passion for children and Jamaica. But for the first time one song I never paid much attention to, allowed jesus to break through this wall I had built between me and him. He opened the flood gates to my passions and desires to serve him I had thought I lost. “Hosea’s Wife” was that song. I AM HIS WIFE. I have been “squandering this life”.

Change has ruled my heart, fear of that change has hardened and weakened the passion of my heart. My past and my having to face the past has made me fall back into the past. Those of you who know me I have had my “relationship drama”. Drummers, musicians, hurts, permanent scars and mistakes.  Some of which I have let tell me I am unworthy of such love. I am not worthy of passions and gifts that have been given. so I built a wall to them until I could scrub myself clean, punish myself enough, avoid those until I forgot. But I have someone now that constantly reminds me he loves me but  My Father, My savior, my “Redeeming Love” loves me more than he as man could ever.

"I see the scars of searches everywhere I go
From hearts to wars to literature to radio
There's a question like a shame no one will show
What do I live for?"
That question haunted me all day and al evening. I finally felt like I had passion for my church, youth, and missions. I could not wait to hang out with our new youth pastor and find out what I could do to help these middle schoolers and high schoolers love jesus and have passion for christ in there hearts. To love themselves, to heal and to know they were created to be wonderful and beautiful. 
I want to write down all my dreams, desires, and hopes for all to see so that you can pray for me to shed this skin and LIVE FOR HIM! 

• - I want to do hair! and be the best at it.
• I desire to be apart of MS and HS kids lives and share my experiences and mistakes and my heart with them. I want to change there lives with love.
• I want to own my own salon
• I want to be the director of missions at a church so i can always use my passion and love for it in youth and adults for the rest of my life.
• I want to be the best wife I can be for the man of God I will marry. respectful, servant, and inspirationally strong. Serve him the way that God intended me to.
• I want to be a mom that is not afraid to share her heart and love with her daughters (even my mistakes) and with my sons I want to be the mom that teaches him how to be a man of God from age 10 to 87.
• I WANT< DESIRE< HAVE TO LIVE/THIRVE/SERVE/LOVE/HONOR/and DIE all for him and his kingdom! all I have is considered lost! I desire that to be my prayer.

I have a long, long, long road until that is cemented in my heart but GOD is not weak! and he is MOVING like a beautiful storm! into my life, my relationships, MOUNTAIN LAKE CHURCH! and my family!

PRAISE BE! GLORY IN THE HIGHEST!

I cannot get over how beautiful and redeeming his love truly is. It is so wonderful to feel that you are worthy, you are beautiful, and you are LOVED! AMEN! I want every single high school and middle school girl to understand the story of Hosea’s wife and how “Redeeming Love” is so much more than a fictional twist. It’s God’s picture of everything we are as women. Everything he wants for us. No matter who, where, or what it is what we DESERVE in his eyes!

can I get an AMEN?!

(I know this is long, God has set me on fire for the first time in a while and I am excited! thank you for taking time to read my heart! love and thankful for you all!)

Hosea’s Wife.

begging for a miracle…

Jamaica.

God put a challenge in my heart to raise $2,500 this year for Mountain Lake’s Mission to Jamaica. The first week after my letters  went out God just flooded me with blessings of funds and encouragement. I was so thankful! and i still am but worry and stress has begun to consume my heart. I have $900 and need $1,600 more. Airline tickets are being bought this week. No turning back.

My heart tells me that God’s got it, that his promise will be held as truth. but my flesh tells me to not go. to back out. People tell me it can’t happen. “if you dont have enough now, how do you think you can still go” This coming from someone who always supports me. Everything around me is trying to tell me my God is not Faithful…

WHO DO THEY THINK THEY ARE!?

My God is faithful. My God can do anything. Through my weakness he is stronger! He will provide every need and desire in my heart.

This i believe but i am not strong enough to stand firm. WHY!?  Why can’t i just say HE IS and I AM NOT! and never weaken or second-guess? What is it about my heart that makes it doubt and fear so much!?

I am praying for that mission statement to be what drives me to the goal of $2,500 dollars. NOT just that goal but  to become solid, and steadfast in the truth of My holy, graceful, loving FATHER! Pray for me and the MLC Summer Jamaica 2010 team!

If any of you would like to know more about this team, trip and mission let me know and I will be happy to send you info!

Peace, Love and Prayers,

Katie

I am going to jamaica again. And some of you may know, along with my support letter i included a mission statement. This was it… This is my heart. i pray my heart becomes so passionate about these words that It consumes my attitude and heart for every single second of life. i think it is profound and truth.

Will you pray for me to grow into this statement? I pray that all of you do. I love all of you! SMILE God has blessed us! PRAISE, GLORY, HONOR, and THANKS be to out FATHER!

here it is, take it or leave it.

Love and In Christ,

Katie

MY MISSION STATEMENT

I’m a part of the fellowship of the unashamed. I have Holy Spirit Power. The die has been cast. I have stepped over the line. The decision has been made. I’m a disciple of His. I won’t look back, let up, slow down, back away, or be still.

My past is redeemed. My present makes sense. My future is secure.

I’m done and finished with low living, sight walking, small planning, smooth knees, colorless dreams, tamed visions, worldly talking, cheap living, and dwarfed goals.

I no longer need preeminence, prosperity, position, promotions, plaudits, or popularity. I don’t have to be right, or first, or tops, or recognized, or praised, Regarded, or rewarded. I live by faith, lean on His presence, walk by patience, lift by prayer, and labor by Holy Spirit power.

My face is set. My gait is fast. My goal is heaven. My road may be narrow, my way rough, and my companions are few. My God is reliable, and my mission is clear.

I cannot be bought, compromised, detoured, lured away, turned back, deluded or delayed. I will not flinch in the face of sacrifice, hesitate in the presence of my adversaries, negotiate at the table of my enemy, or ponder at the pool of popularity. I won’t give up, shut up, let up until I have stayed up, stored up, prayed up, paid up, and preached up for the cause of Christ.

I am a disciple of Jesus. I must give until I drop, preach until all know, and work until He comes. And when He does come for His own, He’ll have no problems recognizing me. My banner will be clear!

Amen

funny how the heart goes in circles… I mean cycles…

I wrote this a while ago…. and it is extremly fitting to where i am now. Praise Jesus for grace and mercy and his  NEVER ENDING love.

June 21, 2008

i was inspired by a friend of mine to write.. . so i am… just to write no reason… and here is where i feel like it can be heard or not herd but i feel like i said it out loud…

God has messed up my life and my heart so munch in the last month or so… and for a while it was going extremely well. then the high and the confidence of what i had on that mountain went away. i came back to a family i came back to the realization that i had lost friends, one very close to me.. i realized that i came back to the sickness and corruption i had been living in and when that hit me… when reality hit me… i became broken. Broken is a funny word. when you are little you have your favorite toy and it breaks you go to daddy and say “fix it daddy… ” and you hand it over to him with no hesitation and have complete confidence that “daddy” loves you and will fix your favorite toy….

broken sucks… with broken comes with vulnerable. with vulnerable comes weakness and weakness brings broken.
its a circle that when you get into it it never ends… you feel like your sinking and cant find your self.
Brokenness is almost a curse word nowa days, it is seen as weakness. why? why cant brokenness be the attractive, captivating, and beautiful thing that is used to be when god’s glory and power was made perfect in it…
tonight was the first time in a long while… i just wept… alone.. no one else… not crying.. i wept with my windows down so i could feel god all over me… i haven’t been giving him my attention.. i have been giving my current circumstances and life issues my time and energy. they bring me down to a place where i feel like he cant reach me… and i cant reach him… tonight i looked up and there were no stars.. i don’t know why i missed them so much but i truly did. i had watched the sunset tonight but didn’t even give him the glory for it then i became sad and angry for a starless night…
that may sound weird but it reps the fact that i am looking at my life wrong , my future wrong, two weeks ago i was all over my blessings and my awesome god… then he let it rain on my parade.. and i didn’t dance in it i laid face down in a puddle. im angry with myself and im angry with the way things are here… but im angry that i forget that he is so jealous for me and my love… and he is fighting for me… and i laid down…
why cant i be 4 years old and go to my heavenly father and give him my brokenness and my heart and say fix it… with out a thought or doubt that he can… why cant i see the beauty in my brokenness like i do when i see others broken.
i am beginning to see that i cant become who somone tells me lies about who i am. my spirit is his.. not to be broken by someone who was put to here to lift it up… but doesnt….
instead of sinking in brokenness i am going to sink my self in GRACE his grace… he is jealous for me… and maybe he is the only one.. but he is… he wants to fix my heart… he wants to hold my face in his hands and tell me i am beautiful.. and that i am important to his purpose.. and i want to believe that and be that woman of god i was beginning to be
who i am hates who i have become… and im gonna fix that…

“beans to Seeds” and “Change for Change”

Hello everyone!
I pray that this note finds you all well! I am going to Jamaica again, but instead of on spring break this college kid is going on the larger trip in the summer. You may be asking why so soon with support raising? Well God has laid an incredible challenge on my heart this year. I have been challenged and asked to raise funds for more than one trip. WOAH! I know even in these hard financial times. I attended Passion 2010 this January, during that week God showed me that it is not impossible to change the world. He proved to me, through his power and grace, that people will give and pray their hearts out for love and promise.

I know God is faithful and know love wins. But I have to be honest about my fears. I am afraid of how attached my heart is to this trip this year. I have ached so much from missing those people and those Children. If it so hard to be away for this long, WHAT is God going to do when I get there? I may be afraid but I am extremely excited. I am also excited for all of you being apart of this mission.

Until it gets closer and time for support letters I have created a store front on JustLoveCoffee.com. This is where you can go shopping for coffee from all over the world, T-shirts, mugs, and coffee scoops. I will receive, from this amazing company, a portion of what you buy. Everything I receive from this will be put towards Jamaica 2010!

http://www.justlovecoffee.com/KatieArGoing

So by you going to my store and getting your self one or a million bags of coffee you are making it more possible for me and my team from Mountain Lake Church to love on people and children in Jamaica. These beans will become seeds of the love of our savior in Jamaican’s lives. Thank you so much for your time and support!

ALSO #2: “Change for Change”
I am asking everyone I know, whether you are 2 or 86 years old to collect change in a water bottle and give it to me. If is all pennies I am totally okay with that! Change goes a really long way (no pun intended). Let me know if you want a bottle I will be making some fun ones to remind you what it is for! I challenge you to do this with your roommates, family, work, or just yourselves. This little tiny effort is huge in the eyes of raising a little over $2,000 in five months. THANK YOU SO MUCH!

ONE MORE THING!
Send this and repost this to everyone you know or think will be interested! Let me know if anyone responds or has any questions! My email is kakaargo88@gmail.com. Thanks guys for becoming apart of the Summer Jamaica 2010 team! ☺

God bless,

Katie

PS
If you are not willing/or have no use for coffee but still would like to give let me know and I will be more than happy to help get that figured out.

ALSO, if you cannot give, I ask you to be apart of my prayer team. Prayer is needed just as much if not more than money. Thank you so much!
I love you all!

"Seeds of every generation Between our hands And the promise to teach you the little I have learned So far... Child, What will you live to do? What have I left for you? What will we leave behind?" -- Brooke Fraser

What my Heart is Going Through…

What is my heart going through?

A few weeks ago I finally figured out that I have been settling in life. I settled for justifying my sin. I settled in whom I chose as friends. I settled for good enough instead of God’s plan and desire for my life.  Why is desiring EXTRAORDINARY such a tiring task. So tiring that believers everywhere are constantly settling. They (including myself) give up and lay down their expectations on life and accept the world telling them this is as good as it gets… or this is normal.

My heart is so tired if having it easy. Nothing that is supposed to be so easy ever felt so heavy and crippling. My heart stopped searching and begging for more from God.  Instead I begged and desired more and more from life and relationships.  Another things I realized is that nothing I attain in this world will ever make me completely happy or full, content.  I not sure of how to change my life but as I enter a new year and a new semester I have decided I will not settle. I am going to search and thirst for knowledge and love from my savior! I am so excited now, but what I need prayer for is later. Thank you for your thoughts and prayers.

“Don’t worry about a ting, everylil’ ting is gonna be airie” this is playing as I sit here at my old home, Starbucks.  It makes me smile because it reminds me of where a huge piece of my heart is. A place where my heart never stopped reading, singing, teaching, learning, building, and searching for love of my heavenly father. Jamaica. For the past few weeks I have been preparing my heart for the task of raising the funds and prayer team it takes to get others and me back to “DO WORK SON! “ God has laid a challenge on my heart. The challenge is to raise more than just my funds. This means raising enough money to support two or three people on their mission. In these financially hard times this seems like the most impossible thing to ask for. So my heart is in constant battle with those thoughts.

I have seen the stars almost every night for the past three weeks I have been in Forsyth. I find myself getting mad at my apartment because I cannot see them. Seeing them reminds me that no matter where he is we see the same stars and we can pretend for two weeks or a month longer.  Waiting and trying and praying is all that gets me through what I have been given in this relationship. Hundreds of miles do their best to separate us.  So far all it has done is make us stronger. J Our love grows with each day but it doesn’t grow without tears and fighting to make it work! It is the most painful and tiring thing I have ever done. But NOTHING I have ever done has ever been worth it before. “It’s all for love!” RIGHT!!??

As I sit and think about how tomorrow is the last day of the longest day in the history of the world… I think about how much has really happened….

-       An amazing senior year… with a lot of pain and struggle. Becoming a family with my theater crew.

-       Drama Drama Drama

-       Two good friends/boyfriends/ Ex.) haha

-       College= New friends and experiences

-       Ellie Bowman died- love you mom!

-       Had an amazing summer with a loving family of people.

-       Figured out that teaching middle schoolers is my heart.

-       Lost my best friend… I miss her more than you can imagine.

-       Discovered some best friends do really stay forever. J BDavis

-       Found love in someone I never thought I would see again. And now I see him in my future. Everyday for everything.

-       Let go of things

-       Grew up

-       Got lost

-       And now I’m trying to find where I am.

These are my thoughts. In all honesty I am about to have coffee with my sister Sam Cole so there will be more haha

But this is what my heart is going through.

Ok so there is more to come… tomorrow… Sam Cole changed my life… and the funny thing is that all she did was show  me that I don’t have it figured out and God know best…. WOW!!! P

lease pray for direction and my heart

Do You Want A Revolution?

At Georgia State University this week there has been an uprising of voices and hearts. All different kinds of students: gay, atheists, Hindus, Catholics, Christians and any other diverse group at this school. A radical group of “Bible Beater Christians” has taken up residence in out courtyard between our major classroom buildings. For the past two days students have yelled questions, verses, beliefs and protests to this group of “preachers”.

They came onto campus with a sign that said “ATTENTION! Ear biters, Liars, Sports Fans, Hindus, Porn watchers, Fornicators, Catholics, Sinners, Marijuana Smoking devils, Druggies, (Biggest font on the sign) HOMOSEXUALS HELL AWAITS YOU!” Their message was this… God hates all sinners and condemns those who sin. If you are saved then you no longer sin. You are perfect and just like Christ. It gives you the right to judge and hate others that are not apart of the “saints”.  God is not a god of love. God does not say that all men fall short and forgiveness and mercy was freely given. God is an angry, selfish, vengeful God.

After listening for about twenty minutes I pushed my way to the front of the crowd. Standing in front of the Young Man holding his large bible and shouting these beliefs to this huge body of students and student shouting back at him. I touched his arm and said, ”Can I ask you a question?” he said yes. I said, “if you are teaching what that book says then why are you not reading from it?” He ignored my question. A student who was standing beside me stood in front of the man and looked the “preacher” and asked him to read a verse in Samuel out loud to the “congregation.” The man opened up to bible to the verse, looked up and began “reading” the verse but it was not what the words said. He made it up. HE LIED! The young man who asked this of him yelled “HE IS LYING! DO NOT BELIEVE WHAT HE SAYS! HE SPEAKS NO TRUTH!” the young man looked the “preacher” in the eye and said, “May God have mercy on your soul for the words you speak and what you have done today. I forgive you brother. I forgive you. May God have mercy on your soul.”

Seeing this student show such love, mercy and forgiveness to someone who possess so much hate truly knocked me back. The students around this that saw it… started chanting “GOD IS LOVE!” the entire body of student in the courtyard chanted this simple phrase. Gays, atheists, other religions and the Christians were all standing together shouting that GOD is LOVE! How amazing is that.

After the chanting quieted I asked the guy another question, “Why does your love have conditions and judgment?” He said love is not for everyone. God does not love everyone. If you break someone’s heart, they no longer deserve love. If you betray God and his teachings he said you no longer deserve the love and mercy and grace and hope and faith of God!  I closed my eyes and asked God for words. I started shouting with no anger in my voice, “LOVE IS PATIENT! LOVE IS KIND! LOVE IS NOT PROUD! LOVE IS NOT BOASTFUL! IT DOES NOT FORCE ITSELF ON OTHERS! IT KEEPS NO RECORD OF WRONGS! IT KEEPS NO RECORD OF WRONGS! IT DOES NOT JUDGE! IT NEVER GIVES UP! IT IS NEVE SELF SEEKING!” I kept repeating it. Others joined me.

There was a girl that I have every single class with this semester that stood next to me and told people to listen to me. The funny thing is… she doesn’t believe in God. Later that day she asked me if she could read my bible. Of course I said yes and she began turning page after page marking things she saw as FACT to use in her arguments. She was arguing the case of the love of God. I was amazed at the way these people who are spitting hate and lies can be used to lead someone to the love. I have never seen anything like it. That afternoon after class she took my bible and began to stand on the wall and shout scripture to the students in the crowd. SHE used the WORD that she claimed she didn’t believe in and SHUT UP the false words of the men that were passing judgment and anger to her fellow students. I was left captivated by how invincible and uncontainable the Love and Power and Mercy and Grace is of our GOD!

This revolution started by a group of diverse students coming together and acknowledging the fact that GOD IS LOVE. The enemy was shut up and driven out of that courtyard because the students of Georgia State University came together and loved each other.

Do you want a revolution? Do you want to see what one looks like? I did. You can. It is happening at campuses and city all over. WAKE UP! STAND UP! PRAY HARD! SPEAK LOUD! FAITH STRONG! There is no formula or pattern or way to make it happen. Just do it and believe that everything will be used to his glory!

God is love. Love Wins.